The Daily Feather — The Holy Seasonal Goat

Father Gerald: Father, you have made the bond of marriage a holy mystery…Hear our prayers for Bernard and Lydia through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Goat, eh, *Ghost*. One God, forever and ever, Amen.

Father Gerald: Bernard and Lydia, I shall now ask if you freely undertake the obligations of marriage. Bernard, repeat after me. I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawfully impediment...why I, Lydia...

Bernard: ...why I, Bernard...

Father Gerald: Whoop, sorry!…May not be joined in matrimony to Lydia John Herbert.

Bernard: May not be joined in matrimony to Lydia *Jane* Herbert.

Father Gerald: Lydia, repeat after me. I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawfully impediment why I, Lydia Jane Herbert…May not be Johned in matrimony...

Lydia: May not be *joined* in matrimony...

Father Gerald: to Bernard Geoffrey Siddle...Delainey.

Lydia: to Bernard Geoffrey *Sinjin* Delainey.

Father Gerald: I call upon those persons here present to witness... that I, Bernard... Delainey...take thee Lydia Jane Herbert... to be my awful wedded wife.

Bernard: to be my *lawful* wedded wife.

Father Gerald: That's right... That's right. May Almighty God bless you all in the name of the Father, the Son, & the Holy Spigot... *Spirit*.

Congregation: Amen!

Rowan Atkinson tripping over his words in 1994’s Four Weddings and a Funeral will never get old nor not be funny. Record seasonal adjustments in official data this Presidential election year has gotten old. When random segues to systematic, there are no conspiracies about. To position, whether you’ve a bullish or bearish stance, unbiased readings on fundamentals are a must. Absent this, you’re taking measured risks on mismeasured bases. That brings us to crossing the Rubicon from the downward revisions, to which we’ve numbed, to the month of September 2024, which we’ve renamed the seasonally blissful month of September. We were open to looking past two glaring examples until Thursday morning’s Retail Sales crossed the wires. Turning a blind eye to a Holy Trinity of seasonal manipulation rendered us the shameful fools after being fooled twice.